well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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