i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize