I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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