Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
