im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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