Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
