I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
