Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
