I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
