I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
