ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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