I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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