so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
