Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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