Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
