TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
