The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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