Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
