my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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