also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
