I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
