You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
