My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
