I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
