dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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