I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
