I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
