Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
