covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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