He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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