Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
