I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
