hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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