my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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