I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
