i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
