we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
