I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
