So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
