This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
