When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
