i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
