More tranny stories later!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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