i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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