We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
