fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
