I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You work out of a Hotel?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
