I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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