I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
