My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize