Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
