He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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