if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
