But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
