I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
