You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
