Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
