I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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