I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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