They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
