what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
