There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
