she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
