please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
