Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
