what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
