I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
