How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
