i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
