After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
