As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
