another moral hangover. fuck.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
