So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
