found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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