I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
