Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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