Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
